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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

LA Zoo May '09 (37)

My life is besotted with negativity and anti-climatic moments.

LA Zoo May '09 (42)

My life is faltering in edification; I am stultifying.

LA Zoo May '09 (40)

The ravages of this life weigh heavily upon my mind.

LA Zoo May '09 (39)

The heavy mantle of responsibility smothers me.

LA Zoo May '09 (41)

Somebody give me a cigarette.

LA Zoo May '09 (43)

Just let me sleep, or put me out of my misery.

 

Sounds pretty stupid coming from a kangaroo, right?

How do you think he feels when we say stuff like this?

Take a leap.  Take a bounce.  LA Zoo May '09 (29)Take a cathartic yogi kangaroo squat.

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I am the calm sentinel.

I am the calm sentinel.

My feathers are ruffled only physically.

My feathers are ruffled only physically.

You, my minions and flock, be.

You, my minions and flock, be.

I am the calm sentinel guarding the ocean.

I am the calm sentinel guarding the ocean.

Fish!

Fish!

Not a fish!

Not a fish!

I am the calm sentinel on patrol.

I am the calm sentinel on patrol.

Bothersome itch.  I make you no more...ooh!  Lunch!

Bothersome itch.  I make you no more…ooh!  Lunch!

You are visiting under the watch of the calm sentinel.

You are visiting under the watch of the calm sentinel.

I pay you no more mind.  Be.

I pay you no more mind.  Be.

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I am the unforgiving instigator of the ultimate undoing of your species.  Fear me.Amber

No, seriously, you must fear me.  Dang it!  Foiled again by the cutesy ears.

Fear not Cutesy Comrade!  We shall prevail over the bipedal types!

Boots

Blast!  Distracted by the infuriatingly irresistible tummy rub!  Not again!

Your powers of concentration are pathetic feline friend.  Let us regroup.

Amber retreats

Off your back traitorous cat!  You shall feel the wrath of my nose of neurosis!

Yeah, they warned me about that back at HQ.  *muffled* Said it was tripe.

Boots acts traitorously

I mean, right away Cutesy Comrade!  Let us reconvene for our plan of attack!

Our displays have failed to invoke fear in the bipeds.  We must plot for another day.

You've won for now puny human, but I'll be watching, I'll be watching...

We shall return malodorous biped.  You may have taken today, but not tomorrow!

I said off your back cat! 

Right away Cutesy Comrade!

Enough with the comrade crap!  Ditch that phony Russian accent already!

You said I could use a Russian accent while trying to take over the world!

That was before you turned traitor for belly rubbing!

You’re just jealous!

Pah!  My stomach is protected territory not offered up to the least biped!

You’re just ticklish and don’t want to squirm and giggle.

That is it!  You shall feel the wrath of my nose of neurosis foul feline!

It’s twitching.  It’s kind of cute.

You are now neurotic!

Yeah, I’ve been told that before.  Can we go, the bipeds are staring.

Fah!  Tomorrow bipeds, live in fear!

Just move it Cutesy Comrade, I think I see kibble.

Kibble!

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Blackbird VantageI see you.

Way up here on this roof, you don’t look so tough.

Slipping around on those two feet, no wings even, just those floppy things without feathers.

Except for that sad mop of feathers on your head, you look like you had a deleterious encounter with a feline.

Or was that one too many slams into a glass window?

Yeah, hurts don’t it?

No I most certainly will not avoid eating all of your developing grapes.

They are good eating.

I don’t plan on saving you any berries either.

You know the best part of being way up here?

Besides being able to give you the evil eye at my leisure?

The best thing: the world is my bathroom my friend. 

The whole world, with you in it.

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Potty Trained by a Cat

The bathroom door is shut and this annoys me.  Rectify this immediately.I watched my cat use the bathroom.  Mainly out of curiosity since we just changed the box in which her cat litter resides, and I wanted to make sure she would use the new box.  I felt a tad guilty because I don’t want anyone watching me while I potty, but then I realized, my cat does watch us.  So fair is fair. 

If allowed, like so many other animal friends, my cat will follow us into the bathroom.  She winds her white-furred self between our feet, demands petting attention even if we are otherwise occupied, and she doesn’t seem to mind the smell (not that my shit stinks mind you, I’m just saying).  During the winter, if she was more habitual and dependable about the whole affair, she would be something like a leg warmer.  In the 110 degree summer, she is annoying.

The best part is that the toilet room is separate and the size of a closet, and my cat is not altogether that small, so when she visits with us in the lavatory, there isn’t much room left for our feet.  This is not a problem since she loves to be pet by feet; you might call it a foot fetish, rather, you should call it a foot fetish.  I call it her ideal situation as she has us trained rather well.  Should I ever move in with someone (a human someone), I’ll have to break the habit of leaving the door slightly ajar for her to push open and join me as I definitely do not want a human coiling at my feet demanding attention while I poop.

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